We live in a time and society where touching someone is usually associated with one thing, and that’s sex. However there is a growing trend aimed at removing the stigma of physical contact. Alabama Public Radio’s Stan Ingold did some research and has this report on an activity known as the “Cuddle Party.”
Nine adults in their pajamas sit on mats and blankets on the floor of Tracy Gilliom’s massage office as small fans try to make up for the lack of air conditioning. This is a “cuddle party,” organized through the web site known appropriately as Cuddle Party.com. It is based in Montgomery, where Len Daley is the executive director. He describes it as a way to help people …
“Cuddle party is communications, boundary, and getting what you want in terms of non-sexual affection, kindness, and consideration by learning how to listen and respond.”
These gatherings have been going on in an official capacity for thirteen years now. But Daley says he has been working with this idea for much longer…
“Back in 1978 as a counselor and therapist 80 percent of my clientele had bonding issues and attachment issues as part of their problem, they didn’t have enough community.”
Daley joined two other cuddle enthusiasts in 2004, and they started cuddle party as it exists today. Daley says many people initially seem to be put off by the idea of a joint cuddle, but for the same reason, it has grown in popularity…
“People freak out over both words in the name “cuddle” and “party.” They freak out with cuddle, over generalizing that it is sexual, orgy, it’s not, its cuddling like you do with children, wholesome, healthy cuddling and it’s also the word party scares people. You put those two words together, that’s why it went viral so well.”
There are several exercises participants go through such as learning to say “no.” Daley says this is one the most important exercises for the cuddlers to take part in…
“ Fear of rejection is one of biggest things people bring, it’s a very early thing in the cuddle party is we practice saying “no” and being rejected and once you’re over that, man, its free sailing.”
Then comes the freestyle cuddling where you see everything from people spooning to giving shoulder rubs to just leaning on one another. The evening as a whole felt like a sleepover party, most people cuddled some laid in the floor watching YouTube videos on someone’s phone. This carried on for nearly two hours and the closing circle began…
“Ok so we’ll just go around the room and each say one word as to how they feel at the end of it…I’ll start out…relaxed…the same, relaxed…integrated…intrigued, nice…grateful…endorphins…calm…better.”
The idea of cuddling with strangers piqued the interest of Jason O’Brien. Like many other, O’Brien was skeptical going into it…
“As soon as I did, I realized it’s totally not what I thought it was going to be and I feel like if I made a film about it, it could show people that. Then those kinds of perceptions, because I would go and ask people, I would go around and ask people and they’d laugh at it or they’d like “oh, that’s gross.”
O’Brien made the documentary “Cuddle” where he went all over the country documenting cuddle parties and even exploring another similar service…
“Trying a single session just to see how that, those are very different, you know, a cuddle party you know, there is an environment, each one is different because its different people, a one on one cuddle session is very different.”
As the cuddle party begins to wrap up, I spoke with Daniel Walker. He has a very specific reason for attending these parties…
“Being a single father and raising a kid on my own, I don’t get a lot of experience or a lot of time to be able to have a connection with other adults beyond just regular conversation so it actually fills that need for contact.”
Walker says something like this could be particularly beneficial to people in the South.
“A lot of people have trouble understanding contact especially here in the south where we’re taught not to show our emotions, we’re taught how to create a bubble around us, a personal space, that’s larger than a handshake. But until you experience that you’re not going to understand until you try.”
I asked Len Daley how something people have attached such a stigma and taboo to could do so well and even be based in the heart of the Bible Belt. He says there is no reason they should feel that way…
“Jesus was a toucher, he touched everyone he healed and we don’t allow drugs, no smoking, and no sex. I mean our standards are highly, highly, highly compatible with anybody’s religious beliefs.”
After sitting and talking with Daley, there was only one more question…
“Can I get a hug?”
“You betcha!”