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Blue Christmas Bones

This week, Don reviews "Blue Christmas Bones" by Carolyn Haines.

A writer of cozy mysteries like the Bones books, of which there are now 27, has some things going for her and some challenges. Faithful readers know well the characters: their personalities, habits, strengths and foibles. They also know the home territory, in this case the town of Zinnia in Sunflower Country, Mississippi in the Delta.

But there is a powerful necessity to move the action to fresh fields. Haines has done this admirably in the past, setting the action in Costa Rica, Dauphin Island and, closer to home, in Greenwood, at the Viking stove plant, and this time in Tupelo, at the annual Christmas Elvis Festival. Sarah Booth, Tinkie, Cece and Millie are there to see the dozens of Elvis impersonators and compete themselves. The streets teem with them—slim young Elvises, Vegas-era Elvises, pudgy older Elvises, even children dressed as Elvis.

A jewel-encrusted belt, modelled after the one Elvis wore in Vegas, with diamonds and emeralds set in gold, and expandable, valued at three million dollars, is on display at the Cadence Bank Arena Center. It is magnificent. The gang admire it. Only hours later it is stolen. Haines has an especially good time here with her characters’ names. The designer of the belt is Sippi Salem. Sippi is short for Mississippi, his real name.

The belt is owned by Grace Land—Graceland, get it? Her mother, a real Elvis fan, had their last name changed from Jenkins. Mom insists, as in the Johnny Cash song “A Boy Named Sue,“ that the ridicule made Grace stronger. Grace is now host of a very popular reality TV show, “Boyfriend Boot Camp,” in which women are instructed on how to humiliate men. We’re told: “Grace goes for the weak underbelly of each male contestant and guts them in front of their fiancée. She cripples them so they’ll be obedient as husbands.”

Grace Land hires the Zinnia gang to find the belt. Did Grace steal it herself, for the insurance? Did her clearly crooked insurance agent Krystal Bond steal it? The suspicious assistant mayor Kent Madison, who organized the CCTV security? The less than professional police chief Yuma Johnson? We meet the Manning brothers, Wilbur and Sherman, who claim to be Archie Manning-related, and Sonja Rivera, a Priscilla look-alike. Also in town is Allan Malone, who carries two vicious pugs with him everywhere. He, too, has a TV show, “Who’s Singing Barbra,” featuring Streisand impersonators.

Sarah Booth and her gang go to work and uncover many of little Tupelo’s secrets, especially that almost all the males have had a relationship with Grace, loved her madly and were treated badly. There is considerable action, shots fired, cars wrecked, but no serious bloodshed in this Christmas romp.