Ask Me Another
8:57 am
Thu July 10, 2014

He's Back

Originally published on Thu July 10, 2014 9:07 am

Throw on your shades and leather jacket to honor the iconic Terminator quote, "I'll be back," by using other words that rhyme with "back." Are you a large mammal related to an ox? "I"ll be yak."

Heard in Episode 321: Live. Puzzle. Repeat

Copyright 2014 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

From NPR and WNYC, live from The Bell House in Brooklyn, New York, This is ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, your host for this next hour of puzzles, word games and trivia. And this week's very important puzzler is the director of "Swingers," "The Bourne Identity" and the summer blockbuster starring Tom Cruise, "Edge Of Tomorrow." Our VIP is Doug Liman.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And now to kick things off, please say hello to our one- man house band, Mr. Jonathan Coulton.

(APPLAUSE)

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Hello, everybody.

EISENBERG: Our first game is called (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) He's Back. So please welcome our contestants, Jason Merrin and Caitlin Mitchell.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Caitlin, do you have a favorite action hero, one that you always wanted to be, perhaps?

CAITLIN MITCHELL: You know, I've thought a lot about this actually.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

MITCHELL: And I think teleportation is a really important quality of a superhero.

EISENBERG: (Laughing) Yeah.

MITCHELL: And I think the only teleporting superhero is Nightcrawler from X-Men.

EISENBERG: Oh.

MITCHELL: So that's what I'm going to go with.

EISENBERG: So you think the number one thing is just being to get places fast.

MITCHELL: Absolutely. I'm a New Yorker, so 100 percent.

EISENBERG: Yeah, right. So you want what you can't have, basically.

MITCHELL: Right. Yeah.

EISENBERG: I get it. Jason, how about you - superhero?

JASON MERRIN: Yeah, I'm a huge comic book dork, so...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

MERRIN: ...I could just go through a huge list. But let's go with Scott Pilgrim. I think he's pretty awesome 'cause he's a total dork.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Yeah. What's Scott Pilgrim's power?

MERRIN: He's the greatest fighter in the province.

EISENBERG: Yeah, right, Canadian like me.

MERRIN: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah, but he sounds like a nice guy.

MERRIN: Yeah, sure.

EISENBERG: Yeah, of course he is; he's Canadian.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So in this game, we're going to honor that iconic film quote from the first Terminator film, (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be back. OK, I'm going to describe a person or word that rhymes with back, and all you have to say is, I'll be blank. For an example, let's go to our puzzle guru, Art Chung.

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: Hey, Ophira. So if we said, you'll be a national consumer rail system that spans 21,000 miles across the United States, you'd respond, (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be Amtrak.

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: And to earn the point, you will actually have to give us your best Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation. So don't hold (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) back.

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) Don't have a panic attack. None of these jokes are working, so I'm going to move on.

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: The winner of this round will move on to the Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

EISENBERG: Let's do it. You'll be a long-haired, ox-like mammal with a lung capacity approximately three times that of cattle.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Caitlin.

MITCHELL: I'll be ox?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jason, are you trying to steal? What do you got?

MERRIN: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be yak.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be yak is what we were looking for.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: You went for a different bovine, but (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be yak is the right answer. And I know you were like, I know - three times the lung capacity. That was the bit of trivia - right? - that you knew.

MERRIN: Right. That's right. All you do is you take all the ox-like mammals in your head...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

MERRIN: ...You sort them by lung capacity.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Right. I mean, how do you sort yours? I always do that.

MERRIN: That's how you do it.

COULTON: You'll be a leader of the Beat movement and write the book on the road.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jason.

MERRIN: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be Jack Kerouac.

COULTON: That's right. You will. You will.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: You'll be in continuous publication from 1818 providing a compendium of knowledge on weather, home remedies and gardening.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jason.

MERRIN: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be the poor man's almanac?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

MERRIN: I don't know which almanac - just almanac?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: We're looking for something specific. I think Caitlin has an idea.

MITCHELL: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be the "Farmers' Almanac."

EISENBERG: There you go.

(APPLAUSE)

MERRIN: Poor man's almanac was Ben Franklin, I think.

EISENBERG: The poor man's almanac? Well...

MERRIN: Yeah, I got that wrong.

EISENBERG: ...You need to rate your almanacs by lung capacity.

MERRIN: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: You're a clear liquid that's going to dry into a hard coating before forming a protective surface. Seriously, you are. You will be. You will be that thing. You're hardening right now, it seems like.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Already seems pretty hard up here. Any hints over there?

MERRIN: You put it on wood?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Caitlin.

MITCHELL: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be shellac?

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

EISENBERG: Nice job, Caitlin.

MITCHELL: Thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You're going to be the class clown on the '70s television show "Welcome Back, Kotter." Let me just wait for silence for a while.

MITCHELL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah, no? No.

MERRIN: Sorry.

EISENBERG: Yeah, I know. That's very funny.

COULTON: That was, like, 100 years before you guys were born, is that right?

CHUNG: (Imitating Arnold Horshack) Oh, Mr. Kotter.

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's a great clue. Do it again, Art. Do it again.

CHUNG: Wait. How is it? Like, (imitating Arnold Horshack) oh, oh, Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter. You don't get that? No?

(APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Keep doing it. Keep doing it, Art.

EISENBERG: Yeah, yeah. What else do you got?

COULTON: Keep doing it.

CHUNG: My dignity can only go so far.

EISENBERG: Didn't he have a particular kind of laugh?

CHUNG: (Imitates Arnold Horshack laughing) Is that right?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Anything, anything?

MERRIN: Sorry.

EISENBERG: Nope. Nothing.

CHUNG: We're sorry.

COULTON: No, no. We're the ones who are sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right, let's do a little ageism. Anyone out there?

AUDIENCE: Horshack.

EISENBERG: I'll be Horshack. Yeah, that is something. Yeah, watch your Nick at Nite closer.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: All right, this is your last clue.

MERRIN: Great.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: You'll be the flag of the United Kingdom.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jason.

MERRIN: (Imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be Union Jack.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Art, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: We're going to have to say hasta la vista to Caitlin 'cause Jason is our winner.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Well done, both of you. And, Jason, we will see you for Ask Me One More final round coming at the end of the show. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.